If my blog post for May 2021 was any indication, my mental health has been struggling as of late. It all came to a head at the start of this month and I’ve needed to take some time to check in with myself and figure out what I can do to improve my current situation to help me better live with my depression and anxiety.
I’ve managed to do some things like finally finishing Geoffrey Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales, doing more walking to get some much needed exercise, watching some great films, and playing some great games. I’m also trying to get some decent progress made on my second novel and I’m hopeful I’ll be able to get to its halfway point soon.
Still, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows and today the inspiration came for another poem. This is that poem.
I sit and wonder sometimes, am I broken?
My brain doesn’t work quite like it used to,
My body lacks the energy to see me through,
So time and time again I wonder, am I broken?
I look back at my life and see the scars unspoken
Is it them alone that’s led me to this?
Is it them alone that keeps me from bliss?
That cannot be, so there must be more pain unspoken.
Is it a loss of faith in humanity that leaves me feeling shaken?
Is it my endless frustration at the harm people cause?
Is it my seething anger at buffoons in charge still getting applause?
Is it that my future hopes and dreams feel like they’ve been taken?
I look forward to where my life could go, but I don’t know
Where I will finally belong or if I’ll ever make it
I want to be proud of what I do and prove my skills and wit
But if my pain is stopping me I need to change my status quo.
I don’t think it’s me that’s broken, for that I’m too outspoken,
I won’t be quiet while I still have strength to fight
Someday, I hope quite soon, someone will celebrate my light
And so I’ll keep on going, fighting through my pain. I won’t let myself be broken.