Self-Worth and Self-Promotion
Fighting the beast of depression
Depression is a hideous beast of a mental illness, even if you have medication to help. It drags you down at every turn. It makes you doubt every positive thing you’ve ever thought about yourself and cripples your self-worth. So, when you’re in a position where you have to sell yourself and promote your skills, knowledge, and services; depression is your worst enemy.
This last month has been a challenging ride through the current UK job market. As much as my depression tells me I’m worthless, I know that isn’t true, and I know that I’m capable enough and good enough for the jobs I’m applying for. But trying to make others see that is hard. Trying to find the right example or the right words to get someone to believe in you is hard. Especially when you’ve frequently got to show off demonstrable evidence of twenty different skills in less than 1000 words. And there’s no real space in those words to really show off your personality or your work ethic or your drive. So, you do your best and hope that the person reading it will see what you’re worth.
Selling yourself
I’ve always found it rather ironic that despite the fact that I’ve built my career in communications and writing, one of the hardest things I’ve found to do is to sell myself. I want to be seen as confident but not arrogant, kind but not a pushover, intelligent but not elitist, flexible but not wishy-washy, honest but not tactless, and so many other things. I have hundreds of examples of things I’ve done, but trying to find the right one can feel impossible, especially when there’s elements you would’ve done differently or better if you’d been there for longer or tackled it with the skills and knowledge you have now. So how do you pick? And how do you write it in such a way that the person reading it will see how good you are and could be?
I also know that there I things that I’ve done that I don’t consider impressive or worthwhile, but which others do. I helped build an award-winning research communications package, but in my head, I was just doing my job, it was one of many things I was working on, and it was basically a copy and paste job from the real work of the academics who wrote it. But the work I did had more value to others than I took credit for. Where some website projects typically take six months or more to deliver, I’ve been asked to build them in two months and I’ve done it, frequently by myself or with little to know technical support and just the skills and knowledge I’ve taught myself over the last decade. I helped a council website jump by 198 places to 3rd or 4th in the country in a Local Government Index, and at that stage in my career I’d never dealt with a website so big or so complicated. Just think of what I could do now if given the chance!
I’ve written a novel, two poetry collections, and three pantomimes; self-published and/or produced all of them; done the marketing and press for all of them with no budget; am in the process of turning the books into audiobooks (one released, one in the editing phase, and one to be recorded); I’ve performed in two week long shows on the Theatre Royal & Royal Concert Hall stage; I’ve led a company as the main character in my favourite musical; I’ve designed posters and programmes and flyers and covers; I’ve filmed and edited interviews and vox pops and trailers; I’ve dealt with politicians and celebrities and academics and journalists and the general public; and I’ve had so many different experiences over the years and just want to share that energy and drive with people who will let me do what I can do.
Good enough
Depression tells me that despite all that, I’m worthless. My suspected autism confuses me as I try to figure out what people want. My emotional scars make me scared that I’ll never be enough.
But I am enough. I am good at what I do. People have told me time and again that they like what I do and appreciate what I’ve done for them. Every day, I do my best to believe them. Every day, I put one foot in front of the other and keep going because at some point I’ll find that place where I belong. I just have to keep going. And I will.
And if anyone’s looking to hire a multi-skilled communications and web expert, I’d love to hear from you!